Verse 1)
Woe is you, therapist on speed dial
Crying about your parents, stuck on self-denial
"My childhood was rough," you whine with a tear
Listen up, sunshine, I make your problems disappear

(Chorus)
You've got low self-esteem? I've got no self esteem!
Rock bottom's my penthouse, a self-deprecating dream
I wear mismatched socks and sing off-key in the street
Next to my confidence level, a slug moves at cheetah speed

(Verse 2)
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the biggest goof of all?
This incandescent disaster you see, radiating insecurity
My self-worth? Negative infinity, that's the key
So put away the tissues, the pity party's for me!

(Chorus)
You've got low self-esteem? I've got no self esteem!
Rock bottom's my penthouse, a self-deprecating dream
I wear mismatched socks and sing off-key in the street
Next to my confidence level, a slug moves at cheetah speed

(Bridge)
(Spoken)
Hey, wait a minute, maybe misery does love company?
We can be the Self-Esteem Deficient Support Group, the coolest club nobody wants to be in!
We'll wear participation trophies as badges of honor and write bad song lyrics to inspire self-loathing rockstars everywhere!

(Chorus)
You've got low self-esteem? I've got no self esteem! (but hey, at least we've got each other, right?)
Rock bottom's our penthouse, a self-deprecating dream
We wear mismatched socks and sing off-key in the street
Next to our confidence level, a slug moves at cheetah speed

(Outro)
No self-esteem! We're the best at being the worst!
Yeah!