dont come at me for the weird tiktok @ censoring i didnt do that lol

ermmmmm after much deliberation i have decided that i want to have an androgynous face, voice, just person in general, bcuz i really dont like to conform to the way people perceive me.. its not because people percieve me its that i dont like having presumptions being made about me at all from things that i cannot control that i think is a driving force behind this desire...

on a related sidenote i think that it is really annoying when i need to fill out a form and for some reason it is required to disclose something like ur gender for something completely unrelated;.. like why do you need to know or even care!! and of course there is almost always the option to choose 'prefer not to say', which i would always choose, but i know that people would treat me differently if they saw i chose that,, which i think is equally stupid but whatever

like most of the time what it feels like to be me is just like, a mind, clouded by whatever emotion i feel at time, just looking out into the world.. im not really that connected to my body or even my face,, and i dont appreciate having a part of my character being defaulted to a certain way just cuz i look a certain way,,,, like i dont even think of myself as 'gendered' when im thinking and just existing (does anyone feel like that??? ive never felt that in my life) so why should i adhere to a 'gender' which i dont feel strongly about one way or the other??????????

back in the day i would have prefered to abandon this physical realm altogether,, but as of late i kinda like being an entity that can be perceived, and i have changed my opinion on non-human simulacra,, idont think even if i could perfectly detach my consiousness from my brain that i would like to do that, (even ignoring existential dilemmas), just because i dont think that people would like to interface that is not human, and if i place myself in some featureless blank robot of some sort, then i would not remove any prejudiced preconceptions, but only increase them..

so yeah i think being perfectly androgynous is the ideal goal for myself, so i can reflect into the world the perception i place myself in

obv a lot easier said than done, but i think that a good cheat is not to make each individual feature completely ungenderable, but to combine masc. and fem. in such equal proportions that its impossible to determine the base gender

voice is hardest maybe, because i dont even know what a androgynous voice is and i cant use the shortcut so aaaaaaaaaarmmm umm idk ill fiqure it out

so yeah i dont ever think i ever gendered myself in my writing and i prefer it stay that way lol idrc about pronouns or nun tbh ngl

i reread this and i dont really know what i was going on about the characterization through appearance thing, i do acknowledge that it exists but i dont feel it that often towards me at least

so yeah i think ppl might be mad, which sux ngl, and some ppl might think im indoctrinated or sumn, but really i was taught like almost the exact opposite of this my whole life, and idk i just dont like its not for me ok

idk y i wrote this idrc that much i think but i alredy wrote this so whatever

song of the day: senses - killmode pt. 2 :    • killmode, pt. 2