5 Ways Mental Illness Affects Marriage
1. Isolation: Feeling isolated is almost a given. Life is different for us and it feels like no one can possibly understand. That feeling can easily pull you into loneliness, and a sense of being separate from others—even people who love you. That puts an even greater stress on the marriage because you aren’t building a community of support for difficult times. That’s especially true right now.
2. Stigma: It can cause you to feel ashamed of something that is out of your control, and shame causes you to hide and withdraw. The person with the mental illness may withdraw from their spouse, because they feel like they’re the cause of so much upheaval in the relationship. Either spouse may feel like they’re being blamed for the illness. Stigma makes a heavy burden even more difficult to carry.
3. Grief: For the spouse without a mental illness there can be grieving process because the relationship can no longer be what it used to be. There are times where the person with mental illness is not presenting with symptoms, and you experience a glimpse of what things used to be like, only to then have it disappear the next day or week. There’s also grief for the person with the mental illness, processing the diagnoses, the symptoms, and the stress.
4. Overfunctioning or Underfunctioning: Murray Bowen, the psychologist who describes this distinction, says that this dynamic throws us into a mutually reinforcing trap. The over-functioners feel they’re coming to the rescue, and will bend over backwards to fix any situation they’re presented with. It’s all about taking action, and protecting themselves from being helpless or vulnerable. Their spouse may reinforce this “dance” by acquiescing responsibility. The under-functioners, facing a crisis or difficult marital situation, feel anxious and overwhelmed. They withdraw, step-back, and feel like failures. Doing this allows the overfunctioner to step into the superhero role. But at what cost?
5. Intimacy: All of these challenges will affect your overall intimacy. It’s difficult to feel close to your spouse when they’re withdrawing, feeling guilty, resentful or just plain exhausted from all the stress.
Recognizing the impact on your marriage is important, but it’s just the first step to finding the strategies that will help your marriage become a strong safe place.
Let’s remember what the Apostle Paul said in Ephesians 4:2-3
Scripture:
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3 (NIV)
Question:
How has mental illness affected your marriage? Comment below, I’d love to hear from you.
And don’t miss out on the next week video: 5 Strategies to Improve Your Marriage When Facing Mental Illness
A big thank you counselors…
Chris Webberley   / chris-webberley-ma-mhp-ncc-lmhca-a0a95b83  
Kristal Mathis http://www.kristalmathis.com/
Julie Watson http://chariscounseling.com/providers...
Debbie Abrahamson
For consulting with me on this video and to His Heart Foundation for supporting this channel. If you want more in-depth mental health information for you and those you love check out mentalhealth.academy today.
Connect to resources:
Divorce Rate Study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
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The 7 Principals for Making Marriage Work by Gottman https://www.gottman.com/product/the-s...
The Biblical Reference Guide for the Gottman Method by David Penner https://www.gottman.com/product/bibli...
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Randi Kruger https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-E...
Connect to counselor:
https://www.hisheartfoundation.org/re...