Join hosts John Dehlin and Gerardo Sumano as they explore what happens when a Mormon missionary reads the CES Letter.

Kolby Sorensen was raised a devout Mormon in West Valley and West Jordan, Utah. In 2020, he was called to serve a mission as the COVID pandemic began, when missionaries were encouraged to use social media to proselytize.

Show notes:
Letter to a CES Director by Jeremy Runnells
https://bit.ly/3t6Sici

"Reflections on the CES Letter," Daniel Peterson, FAIRmormon Conference 2014
https://bit.ly/3w4lwKx

"Belief after the CES Letter," Jim Bennett on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/3Jb4gXX

"A Faithful Reply to the CES Letter from a Former CES Employee," by Jim Bennett
https://bit.ly/35OJfE5

Jeremy Runnell's responses to "Debunkings of the CES Letter"
https://bit.ly/3i7wYNj

"Missionaries returning home at their own insistence," Mission President's Handbook, Ch 4
https://bit.ly/3taSCGI

Kolby's Instagram
https://bit.ly/3KZKXBx

"Telling Your Loved Ones About Losing Your Faith," on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/37xIFet

"Mormon Inoculation" on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/36gBiXS

"Personal Peace in Challenging Times," Quentin L. Cook, General Conference October 2021
https://bit.ly/3CEqnn7

"Britvengers React: The Mormon British Rescue" on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/3q6c05V

"LDS Church addresses health of church president," by Ric Wayman, St. George News, May 3, 2015
https://bit.ly/3w4Ccla

"Is the Mormon Church in Decline?" An Insider Report on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/3KHOUuh

"No More Strangers," by Alexander B. Morrison, Ensign, September 2000
https://bit.ly/3MLKEvz

"Strong Impressions of the Spirit," by D. Todd Christofferson, New Era, June 2013
https://bit.ly/3CU5OmZ

"Founder of the Book of Mormon Heartland Model," Rodney Meldrum on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/3MOkKra

Video by Shane Carpenter, an out gay LDS missionary
https://bit.ly/3i2Q2fT

"Jesus Christ is the Answer," Ronald A Rasband, Evening With a General Authority, February 8, 2019
https://bit.ly/3MOkNDm
[CW: May be triggering for those experiencing suicidal thoughts]

"Daughter of Mormon General Authority Hartman Rector, Jr." Lila Tueller on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/3JhIT7u

"Vogel and Metcalfe in Da House!" on Mormon Discussion
https://bit.ly/3u2HT0C

Gerardo Sumano interview on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/3KycRUS

Kolby and Cami Reddish interview on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/3q4hnT5

"From TBM to RFM: Radio Free Mormon Discusses His Transition from Mormon Apologist to Non-Believer," on Mormon Stories
https://bit.ly/36gd9ku

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Timecodes:
00:00:00 Introduction and opening remarks
00:07:12 Orthodox upbringing in Salt Lake City
00:22:23 Inoculation in Seminary about Church history and truth claims
00:57:57 Perfectionism culture and admiration for Church leaders
01:13:21 Preparing for a mission when Covid strikes; the MTC is closed and training done online at home
01:40:19 Finds the CES Letter while studying the Book of Abraham
01:50:35 Underwhelmed by his temple experience [Contains specific information about temple ceremonies]
01:57:15 Proselytizing "undercover" via Facebook in Tacoma, Washington
02:15:08 Surveillance of the missionaries’ technology and Internet use
02:28:45 Mental health and medical care for missionaries
02:31:56 “Contraband” information circulates among missionaries
03:02:39 Sharing his testimony even as it unraveled; unable to tell the mission therapist, who is allowed to break confidentiality and tell his church leaders
03:13:07 LGBT issues on missions [CW: Includes discussion of suicidal ideation]
03:19:47 "Begging and praying for an answer": Kolby loses his faith
03:37:30 Mental health and faith crises remain a huge hidden issue within the missionary program [CW: Includes discussion of depression, anxiety, and suicide]
03:48:46 Questioning the morality of continuing to preach something he doesn't believe, Kolby decides to return home early
04:12:05 An honorable release and the aftermath with his family and friends
04:30:24 Finding meaning and purpose after losing his faith
04:36:07 Closing remarks

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