My name is Xanthe Wyse & I vlog about my experiences with bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder.

In this video (which was incredibly difficult to speak in), I am partially shut down. When fully shut down, I am unable to move, speak, hear.

I am moderately dissociating. I don't feel 'real' (depersonalisation).

My thinking is almost completely shut down so it is hard for me to find any words and hard for me to speak. I feel 'brain-dead'. Imagine being extremely mentally exhausted that you can hardly keep your eyes open. That is what I feel like a lot of the time. Yet I am not currently sleepy. Not feeling anxious. Neither manic nor depressed although my mood is a bit on the low side and I am moving slower.

I'm sleeping through the night now and not needing naps. I am still doing some moderate exercise. I went for a walk just before making this video.

I have been processing trauma and it is mentally exhausting.

I have the childhood presentation of PTSD which is mainly avoidance and shutdowns.

My cognition gets extremely impaired which also includes my short-term memory. It's frustrating for me.

I may look sad but I'm not really. I'm just nearly unresponsive. Moderately shut down. With severe shut downs, I am not 'there' anymore (dissociate completely).

The slowing down of my thoughts, speech and movements is called psychomotor retardation (opposite of psychomotor agitation which you may observe in some other videos).

I was in this state for several hours. It feels similar to heavy sedation, only I was not sedated.