Are you wondering how in the world to get your teenager to take your advice, to do what you tell them to do? The truth is, it’s all about the amount of influence you have with them. And in today’s video, I’m going to show you exactly how to increase your level of influence with your teen, so they actually start considering what you have to say.

The equation I like to use for this is: Influence = Connection (Empathy + Curiosity + Vulnerability). How you think, feel and act determines how influential you can be. This is the funny thing about influence…….the moment you try to influence someone, you lose your ability to influence them. If influence is connection (on a deeper emotional level)..then the minute I am focused on what I want this other person to do (how I’m going to influence them to do what I want), I instantly start to move out of true deep connection with that person……because connection is empathy, curiosity and vulnerability, which is not ‘I” focused, but rather “you” focused.

You can’t influence and develop a deeper relationship with your teen if you aren’t open to learning more about your teen and more about yourself. Curiosity is key in this equation for influence.

Another crucial element of the influence equation, is empathy. It's identifying with the feelings the other person is experiencing, and meeting them where they’re at. By showing that you understand what the other person is feeling, you are giving them what they need emotionally in that moment.

And the final component to increasing your influence with your teenager is making vulnerability the norm within your conversations with your teen. Sharing some of your hardships, some of your mistakes, makes you more human in your teenager’s eyes.
Without vulnerability, you can’t have a deeper relationship where influence is possible. The very act of self-disclosure of vulnerability increases trust and creates opportunity for more connection. And Influence is Connection!

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO HERE to understand the parenting shift that occurs when your child reaches the pre-teen years:
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