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"Science makes us understand how to stay alive longer, feelings give us the reason to want to."

An open letter :

I've lived with grief since I tragically lost my brother 5 years ago. Since then, I have been living with this kind of shadows following me everywhere, that shadow that made me feel guilty every time I smiled and laughed because I could not accept to be happy while he was gone, that shadows that made me feel like never will be alright ever again. As many people, not being able to deal with it I decided to push this tragic incident of my life in a corner of my head. Ignoring it. Sometimes acting like It never happened. Pushing the thought every time my mind decided to bring it back, again, and again, and again. Because dealing with the amount of regrets of what could have been of what I could have done was to painful for me. Accepting the death of someone you love and knew since you arrived on this earth was impossible. In time like today I ask myself, Is it fair for my loved one that I keep pushing his existence out of my head ? It's not. I want to change this.

I accept that you are gone, that I will never see you again and I'll never be able to copy everything you do like when I was a kid. I accept that I'll never get to know what life had in store for you, I accept also that you'll never get to know who I am. I am not the person I was when you left but I in a way your person will always be frozen in time for me. I hate that the more the time pass the more I forget some details you, like your voice, the way you laughed and the way you were simply you. I am sorry I never talk about you to anyone or tell stories. I felt shy about this my whole life. Today I dedicate this video to you, wherever you are now, I am aware this isn't anything much, but that's the only way I found to be able to express myself. I hope you have stories for me from up there, If there is an " up there. "

I want to go forward knowing you are gone - but there's always be a part of you inside of me that will follow me wherever I go. I miss you and I love you, goodbye for now.

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*Music: Message to Bears - Wake me (Levi Patel Rework)
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