Maddy is my whole world and when she died I didn’t want to do life without her. Our love and life was perfect and losing her was beyond debilitating. Days before Maddy passed, I cracked and told her I didn't know how I was going to do it without her. I asked her how I was going to find purpose with life and what I was supposed to do. She paused, and responded, "Live it for them and before you know it you will be living it for you again.”
Life without Maddy is substantially harder than I ever could have imagined. Everything without her has been excruciatingly painful. After weeks of trying to make sense of life, I realized that the only way I could properly memorialize Maddy’s legacy was by living the way I know she would want me to. My mantra for life has become, BECAUSE OF MADDY. Because of Maddy, I parent better. Because of Maddy, I want to always be present and live life to the fullest. I spent quality time with my kids playing and helping them work through not having their mom here anymore. I started connecting with other widows and widowers to better understand how to give my kids the best life possible as a single parent. One of those widows was Jessica Dennert. She lost her husband Tyson, her father, two brothers, brother in law, her grandfather and three other family members in a horrible accident. When the accident happened, she had two beautiful children and was pregnant with a third. The life she has lived is beyond inspiring to me. One of the first things she told me is that the pain of grief doesn’t go away, you just get better at carrying it. My first meeting with Jessica just solidified my thought that the best part of life had come and gone. We both felt validated that we had found and lost incredible love and we would never find something close to it again. We had no idea that we would change each other’s minds.
As we talked about Maddy and Tyson, we found similarities in our parenting styles, our views on life, and the special love we both had and lost. I didn’t think anyone could understand my loss or the love that me and Maddy have, but Jessica did. One of my new favorite phrases is that two things can be true. I can experience extreme gratitude, love, and admiration for Maddy and Jessica at the same time. I can love Wren and Andi and I can love Hanley Will and Blakely. I can grieve and miss Maddy every day while simultaneously having an exceptional love with Jessica full of beautiful, and spectacular moments. I can’t explain it, but I’m so grateful for it. I will never be able to understand why Maddy and Tyson can’t be here to see their children grow up, but I’m so grateful for the opportunity to figure out the rest of my life with Jessica, Hanley, Wren, Will, Andi, and Blakely. Jessica and I still have so much to figure out, but because of Maddy and Tyson we have incredible examples of exceptional marriages to build on and exemplify. We will live and love like Maddy and Tyson. For Tyson. Because of Maddy.