This video explores the metaphor of 'adult-adult' and 'parent-child' relationship dynamics in conflict resolution, as they relate to effective relationships and ineffective, co-dependent relationships respectively. Any effective relationship will spend time in a 'parent-child' dynamic occasionally but predominantly remain in an adult-adult dynamic.

But difficulties arise when the 'parent-child' dynamic seems 'stuck' in place and a seemingly 'addictive' and co-dependent dynamic exists. This 'paternalism' can be seen in family, workplace relationships as well as between service providers - the individuals within them and the organisations themselves - and their users/clients. This, in turn can lead to a sense of powerlessness for both the 'parent' and the 'child'.

Supporting Self-responsibility and self-empowerment
A significant feature that helps to break out from a stuck parent-child dynamic is the recognition of autonomy and its enactment by any involved in the relationship. Once that autonomy is acknowledged, from whatever place within the relationship the dependent relationship can start to release from its dependency. Either the 'parent' or the 'child' in the dynamic can initiate that possibility of release through either letting go of their own wish to control and its practice, or through recognising the possibility for self-determination and its practice.

While this may be challenging to achieve on a personal level there is a simplicity to the process involved in that it allows for change to occur through just one person 'acting' rather than requiring all to do so. The actor's change will intrinsically impact on the experience of the other(s) in the relationship in supporting movement towards an adult status and dynamic.

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 26 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management....

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn:   / alansharland  
or follow the CAOS Conflict Management Linkedin Page:
  / caos-conflict-management  

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype or FaceTime or Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management....

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:   / communicationandconflict  

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com

Books and ebooks:

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All
https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-...

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS
Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:   / hollowman