An original written by Jonah McGuire

Lyrics:

Way on past
Illinois State Highway 13
There lived a wicked witch
Named Agnes Listerine
And her teeth were the whitest things
That I’d ever seen

She said, “I ain’t like them other witches,
All dyin’ and old
I take my hygiene serious,
I floss before bed like I’m told
But my goat’s blood smoothie
Makes my stomach roll.”

She said, “I come out of Colorado
And I can see the mountain’s pass
I call all my potions Coke
With window sills inside my house
and I’m looking for a midwestern boy
That I can change into a mouse.”

Well I said, “Hey pretty lady
You know I’d like to make you mine,
And I would probably say no,
If it wasn’t for all of this wine,
But just gimme some cheese and a wheel
And baby you know I’ll be just fine”

So ran and ran and ran
On that big ole hamster wheel
And I asked for a mouse wheel
But she said those things just weren’t real
And like a worm to a bird
I believed her every spiel

Until one sad day
She didn’t bring me any cheese
And I said, “Agnes, baby, baby
Some more cheese if you please.”
And then she turned into a demon,
Left me kneeling on my little mouse knees

So I slipped through the cage
It was never small enough for me
And she yelled and kicked and screamed,
“You never heard of my disease?”
But I just kept on running’
Until I caught a southbound breeze

Sometimes I still see her
Putting cheese on my plate
And for a moment there, I miss her
And running circles in that cage
But then I feel the rain in
and see the sun on an open range

Video recorded by Jackson Grant at Little Nashville in Marion, Illinois