Bob Hamp, MFT, is an expert on marital abuse in Christian relationships. He’s been a Christian therapist for more than 30 years. We talk today about both male and female victims and why they stay with someone who hurts them. There are 3 videos in this series. See links below:

Video #1: DYNAMICS OF ABUSE: The Mis-Assignment of Responsibility

Here's the problem: Victims of abuse don’t see themselves as victims. They see themselves as "special helpers." Often abuse victims think they can “love their spouse out of his/her trap” or "fill the hole in their heart." So that results in a terrible dynamic:

1. The abusers assigns responsibility to the victim to meet their demands or drives

2. An abuser makes the victim responsible for the abuser’s choices

3. The abuser tells the victim, “You are responsible for keeping the secret.”

4. Onlookers ask the victim what they did to cause it.


The victim has resources. The abuser has deficits. The abuser wants to give the deficits to the victim and take his/her resources.

When the victim finally puts an end to this, they are accused of being vindictive and “giving up too soon,” when in reality, they are finally handing the abuser/addict back his/her own responsibility.

Video 1) The Dynamics of Abuse    • Dynamics of Abuse, Bob Hamp MFT | The...  
Video 2) How Do I Know If My Spouse Has Really Changed?    • How Do I Know My Spouse Has Really Ch...  
Video 3) My Church Says My Spouse Has Changed, But Has He Really? -    • My Abusive/Addicted Spouse Goes To Ch...  
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ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.

Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.

FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE, read chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book, or go to www.lifesavingdivorce.com/130examples to understand overt and covert emotional, physical, spiritual, and sexual abuse and neglect.

What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.

How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: https://amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

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